Lesson 4: When life throws you some snowballs...

A half hour before I left work, a coworker emailed all of us in the Agency saying that Jenny, another teammate and good friend of mine who had left a few minutes earlier, wanted to warn us of an extremely slippery parking lot. The flurry of snowflakes I had seen caressing the windows of the West staircase at lunchtime had apparently amounted to more, or it had melted and then frozen as the otherwise clear day was blanketed by dusk.

The walkway lights outside glimmered in the sidewalk reflection. I put my weight into each step, remembering the lesson learned in my first tai chi class two weeks ago. Put your foot in front of you, and gently, slowly pour your weight from one leg to the other, like tea into a cup. No problem.

As I moved farther out, I realized that roadway in the first parking lot had been sanded. One of the dump trucks must have come by earlier spreading gravel from its tail-end sander. I then walked on the paths of dirt, laughing to myself. I don't know why Jenny left when she did, but clearly, if she had waited another 20 or 30 minutes, there would have been no need to heed us warning. I imagined myself texting her with mock ridicule, followed by a colon and lowercase p.

Before I could do so, my foot slid sideways. I was past the first parking lot, heading into the second. The muscles in the left of my back tightened in a sharp clench upward from my lower ribcage. I gained solid footing and took a breath. OK.

I noticed that this section of the lot had not been sanded. I walk slowly, more carefully this time. I was aware, then, that sometimes I walk briskly. But now, I was chugging along, taking another step, pouring another cup of tea. I looked across the crisp, dark, clear air at other people readying to leave.

I remote-started the car, wiped away the fluffy snow off the rear window, and scraped away a thin layer of ice on the windshield. A dump truck crawled by, its sander spewing gravel on the ground. As I got in the car and put the scraper in the back seat, I felt my phone vibrate in my coat pocket. I put on the windshield wipers to clear away the remnants of ice, pulled out the phone and saw a mobile message from my sister. We had talked the other day, on her birthday, about her yearning to sketch drawings like she used to do years ago. I had taken it upon myself to assign her to sketch a nose, one of the more difficult body parts for her to sketch. So I was delighted to get a snapshot of a sketch of a couple of noses. "Who KNOWS what you might come up with," I had joked to her the other day with encouragement. HAR HAR!

I then realized, in the dark of night, that it had become darker than it was a few minutes ago. I looked up and saw an obstructed view before me. I turned on the headlights. With the hedge now illuminated, I saw thick clumps of snow piling up on the windshield. I glanced out the driver's side window. I saw no ground, but snow, already a thick layer, and with the help of another car's headlights, I saw a great gust of wind bring down a billow of more snow.

"Holy shit," I said aloud. "It's a fucking blizzard!"

I had been in the car barely three or four minutes, I figured, looking at two noses, one a fairly normal yet somewhat gnarly nose, and the other a crooked one not unlike one belonging to a good friend of mine. Who KNOWS? Who knew a squall would burst through? Certainly not I, who doesn't check the weather online or have watched the local TV news — or TV at all — in the last two years.

As I backed out of my parking space, my mind darted back to two New Year's Eves ago, when my last car was totaled in an accident during a snowstorm. I hoped for the best, and crept along, arriving home just under an hour later. Safe and sound.

Some days nothing interesting happens, and some days the universe throws a snowball at you. Maybe it's just to keep things interesting, to knock the monotony off course, off-balance.

I heard later that my girlfriend had caught the last few seconds of the sunset today, harkening an orange glow over a beautiful blanket of snow, undisturbed, along the trees. I missed that scene by about an hour, but I caught a glimpse of something just as special. So, I cursed my way through it, caught by surprise. But the swears were followed by giddy amazement, a wide-eyed wonder at how impermanent life can be. One moment you're just walking along. Then you're suddenly pre-occupied by exquisitely drawn noses. Next, a freakin' snowstorm rolls through and it makes you think, "I totally did not see that coming."

Mind your head. The next curveball is coming your way.

Lesson 3: Try new foods

I ate an orange tonight for what I believe to be the first time in my life.

Not one of those delicious dark chocolate oranges. An orange orange. Alas, not a full one, just two wedges. Just enough to be an orange virgin no longer.

I have also tried clementines recently, so I was surprised to see the eyes of my girlfriend bulge out as her jaw dropped when I disclosed to her that it was, in fact, my first time.

"How have you lived your life without ever having eaten an orange?" she asked.

"By being very sneaky," I said, standing next to her. Over the years, I had learned how to turn down politely the food that was foreign to my palate. Saying "Sorry, I don't care for (fill in the blank)" may not have been the most socially outstanding phrase to utter at a party or gathering, but it worked; my taste buds were safe and sound.

"Why didn't you tell me? If you had told me before I gave it to you, I would have had you sit down," she said as she arched her arm toward the kitchen table chair.

"... and put on some music ... and dim the lights ..." I offered, laughing.

I love orange juice, and have loved it for years. But it had to be Tropicana and with NO pulp. Pulpy orange juice ruins the flavor worse than drinking OJ after brushing your teeth. So my logic was that an actual, honest-to-goodness orange would have more pulp, or at least just as much pulp, as pulpy OJ. So I didn't touch it.

And tonight, when my girlfriend offered me a wedge, I quickly brushed away the loose white fibers and bit the wedge in half. I did enjoy the feel of the carpel, as my tongue pressed it up against the palate, rupturing its sacs and providing me with a small pool of juice that I swooshed around my teeth. And after gnawing at the remaining fibers of the carpel shell with an exaggerated yuck-yuck face, I spat the wad out.

As a child, I would sit in front of my plate at dinner and stare at the steak or other icky thing that my mother slaved over, and after everyone was done and the table was cleaned, I was stuck in that seat. I could not leave the table until I was done. But I was a stubborn picky eater, and I held out. When my mother finished washing the dishes, she would heave a disgruntled sigh, pluck my plate and, before washing it, scrape the food into the dog bowl.

In my tween days, my family would eat a scrumptious dinner while I hovered around the toaster oven waiting for my two slices of toast with a lone slice of cheese bubbling on top. (Nowadays, I stay away from cheese because I believe I'm becoming intolerant to lactose.)

As I grew up, I did become a more adventurous eater. I didn't even try bacon until I was in college. Fruits and vegetables were not in my vocabulary for a sad, long time. The only fruit I ate growing up were apples, and the only vegetables were the good ol' Maine potato and corn.

"They don't count," my girlfriend said tonight. "Corn is just starch," and same goes for potatoes.

I didn't argue with that; years ago I heard someone at the church food pantry say corn was the least nutritious food there was. And I haven't had much of it lately either. From corn, I did branch out to green veggies, firstly broccoli, then zucchini and green beans. Kale is the latest.

My diet in college was the worst. I had such a high metabolism in high school that I could eat anything and still be thin, which meant I did not worry about my weight at all. It was far from my mind. I could wolf down a large pizza by myself and still have room for soda and breadsticks. I continued my blissful ignorance through college with Hamburger Helper, all-meat combo pizzas and huge salami subs. I weighed in at 210 pounds somewhere in late 1999, early 2000, and, based on pictures of me in 2002, I weighed even more then. I remember weighing 160 pounds in the tenth grade.

Luckily, exercise helps keep the weight down. For the better part of six years, dancing tango rigorously brought me perhaps to the lowest weight I'd been in a long time, at least according to all the "Gee, are you losing weight?" comments I received. I never weighed myself during that time, but after a year of not dancing, I'm hovering between 185 and 190.

Dating health-conscious women has kicked me into the right direction, too, of course. Two vegans in a row introduced me to a world greener than I ever imagined, and while some vegan meals were barely tolerable, others were pretty tasty.

In the last year, I've had roommates who surprisingly turned out to be courageous and/or adventurous cooks, and the variety among their ingredients were a pleasant surprise. Their panache encouraged me to be daring as well; I've come up with a few recipes of my own that probably should be left to myself. My (vegan-friendly) brownie/cake has become a recurring hit, and not just in my mouth but in others' as well.

As a former picky eater, I can appreciate how daunting it might be for a new parent (or significant other) to cook for someone with a limited range. The adventure of trying new foods is a pleasure I wish my body had convinced my brain to explore much earlier. Essentially, it's all in the preparation. If kale still tastes stale, add olive oil and salt. If chicken breast doesn't work, you know why? Chicken thigh.

As an adult, I have tried many other cuisines, including Thai and Indian. I had sushi for the first time a few years ago in Providence. Gone are the days when I fall back on toast with cheese. My body is aching for more. More variety, more healthy, more flavors. I still don't know everything I'm missing out on, but there is enough ambition to cancel out the knee-jerk revulsion and have a taste.

So tonight I tried another clementine. I pierced the rind with my thumbnail. Picked off the strings of albedo. Peeled away the skin of the carpel, revealing the beautifully tender juice sacs in all their pulpy glory. My girlfriend joined me and tore apart her own fruit, having been able to peel off the carpel skin in one impressive translucent piece. She waxed poetic, and compared it to a jellyfish. She fished her finger around inside to get at the sacs, the juicy gems, she called them. She offered her now wet and sticky finger to my lips.

Trying new things can be so much fun. This time, I wasn't at the table for long.

Lesson 2: Budget in time for your budget

"I got my mind on my money, and my money on my mind," as an undoubtedly wise man once said.

2009 did not begin well for me financially. But I managed to overcome the uncertainty of the economic climate as well as the uncertainty of my own future in such a way that I can be proud of, by balancing a rigorous schedule of paying bills and a somewhat happy lifestyle.

My car has crashed! Yay!

My 2000 Pontiac Grand Am was totaled in an otherwise minor car accident on New Year's Eve 2008, so I suddenly needed a new car.

All while realizing that, in the deep end of the economic recession, I would most likely accept a full-time permanent position as a web developer, where I had been contracting as a temp. The position was an $8,000 cut in gross pay. And let's not forget I'd get paid monthly, not weekly. But the offer was there, and the company had been (and luckily has continued to be) doing great.

In my state of shock after the accident, I went car shopping with my friend Jenny, who took pictures of the adventure. I went in thinking I would buy a Honda Civic (even though for years I thought my next car would be a Toyota Prius). But we walked by a brand-new, 2009 Honda Fit. And it was a fit: The dashboard interface was the clear winner here, as the Civic interface was too black with indiscriminately distinct buttons. I bought the car, even minutes (hours?) after sitting with Jenny and (I still remember now) telling her, "I just need something that takes me from point A to point B." With a kick-ass interface, apparently. But I digress.

I had a credit card with a $6,000 line of credit. I used it for a car down payment of $5,000. I did this to lower my monthly payment for the car loan, which became just under $300. Three hundred more dollars per month that I now had to find, with a smaller salary.

However, I was banking on receiving a check from the insurance company for the worth of my Grand Am, so I threw that money at my new credit card balance, paying that off a grand per month. I wanted that bill gone ASAP, and by April, it was.

With some of that extra insurance money, I paid $500 for one car payment. I also doubled the amount I paid per month on my debt loan. I had consolidated all my credit card payments back in late 2007 into this five-year loan. By the end of 2009, less than halfway into the loan's term, the loan was paid off.

The only other debt I have is my consolidated school loan, which has the lowest interest rate and therefore I just have $100 each month deducted automatically without me thinking about it.

All this with a lowered salary and a new car loan? Thankfully, no.

I did do some additional freelance work at the beginning of the year. I had worked with them before, developing emails for a lawschool textbook publisher, so another gig with them was perfect timing. It wasn't the most exciting side job, but it literally did pay the bills for a while.

All bills and no play...

Amid all the bills, I knew I needed to balance work with play.

In late 2008, I had stopped dancing Argentine tango, which had been my primary social outlet since 2003. Frankly, I didn't know what else to do, so, on my own, I went to concerts — BB King and Buddy Guy at the new House of Blues in February; Rustic Overtones, and the Blind Boys of Alabama in March; Gomez twice in April and June; Great Lake Swimmers in April; Federico Aubele in May; Roomful of Blues in October; and Jonny Lang in November.

I also went to the Brattle Theatre, among other places, to see old movies and new documentaries, such as Examined Life and Easy Rider. I saw The Diving Bell and the Butterfly, which was part of an Arlington yoga studio's film series. I saw my first IMAX film, the new Star Trek, at Jordan's. And last month I saw, for the first time ever, It's a Wonderful Life on the big screen at the Brattle.

I went to the Grub Street Muse and the Marketplace writers workshop in April, paying a substantial (but worthwhile) price to see if the writing bug was somewhere still inside me (it is). I started dating someone I met there, and with time (and a couple of spending moratoria later), we went on vacation together. It was my first real vacation in nine years.

More to do...

I have a couple of savings accounts and a couple of checking accounts. I have a couple of credit cards that I did not want to touch after years of debt. With the residual balance of credit debt gone, I have started using my card again, soley to rack up Rewards points. (The caveat is that I make sure I pay the balance each month to avoid finance charges.) The products I could get with these points are not really interesting to me, but they could make good gifts for the family. Ideally, by the end of this year, I could probably not need to buy any Christmas gifts.

I've been thinking for a long time about CD ladders but have yet to do it. I haven't been financially secure enough to do this, but I think I might be able to this year.

I have had a traditional IRA and a Roth IRA for years, but have never contributed any money to them. This is the year to start doing it. So many people don't even have IRAs, and the earlier you get this, the better your retirement will be, as they say.

Even though December 2009 was arguably my biggest spending month last year, I was already two months into saving 30% of my take-home pay into my ING Direct savings account. My plan for this year is to let that be an untouchable account, for large purchases, for unexpected but inevitable turns-for-the-worst.

Do it!

It may go without saying, but for me more than two years ago, it needed to be said: You must have a budget. Whether it's a spreadsheet or some other way for you to keep track of where your money is now and where it's going. For years I slogged through tremendous debt. But once I was able to map out where my income was going, and when my bills were taking that money away, and then plan that out for the rest of the year... well, I could see past the dark cloud. I saw a way out of debt.

Lesson 1: Speak up

Say something. Articulate.

We have evolved with the capability to communicate complicated thoughts and ideas, yet we struggle to grasp every day the idea that we can live happier lives if we only just say something, say anything, instead of stewing in despair.

They say life is suffering. So why do we continually make life more difficult for ourselves? Life is littered, cluttered, with the pains of people all around us, suffering. By your not speaking up, by your not articulating, by not using your voice to be heard, to be understood, to be helpful, to BE, you are forfeiting your responsibilities. You are relinquishing your life. You are abandoning your dreams. You are no longer a functioning half of a relationship. You no longer exist. You – who? – are forgotten.

They say, too, there is a way out of suffering.

Say something. Articulate. Proclaim your place in your own life. Reclaim the responsibilities beholden to you; make them work for you. Acclaim the rewards that you see.

Just be. Be yourself. Be helpful. Be understood, and speak until you are. Articulate. Choose your words carefully. Speak up. We're listening.